Planning Service Providers...What's a Wife To Do?

Ok, my last post left even me frustrated with its lack of specificity and helpful tips about planning services and supports at home. Today I reflect back on a visit I made with other state bureaucrats to some folks who were receiving services at home chosing independent living over living in a care facility. The folks we spoke to had spinal injuries, gun shot wounds, or other conditions which resulted in limited or no uses of arms and/or legs. I remember talking with a married couple who were obviously in love and happy in their life together. The husband was an engaging person who was very tolerant of our questions and eager to enlighten policy makers. I'm not sure who in our group asked the question, but I remember his answer to the question about how his wife helped in scheduling, training and managing service providers. His injury was a result of a ski accident as I remember; or maybe it was an auto accident. Anyhow, his injury was high level spinal trauma; he had no use of arms or legs. Many of us assumed 24/7 revolving door of service providers. Those of us with limited first hand knowledge assumed his wife handled many details of arranging care. WRONG! He was very gracious and patient as he explained that his relationship with his wife was no different than in other marriages--family stuff, money stuff, shopping, school/work, etc....I don't remember all the details. I do remember his firmness in describing his commitment to his marriage (which are tough waters to navigate anyway) and his love of his wife. His saw his relationship with his service staff as his responsibility and they had made an agreement that he would handle all the details; hiring, firing, training, scheduling, etc. He didn't want day-to-day discussion with his wife to be focused on his need for assistance. As much as possible, this couple chose to work at not allowing the disability and his care needs to come between them, preventing a richer and healthier relationship. They didn't want their marriage to be disabled. I will never forget that couple!